Some of the best advice I ever got “Feel your Feelings”

So much of what I bring here has come from and through others in my life.  Mentors, advisors, teachers, family members, friends and yes, even “teachers” I wish I hadn’t had at all.

It was fall, three years ago, the beginning of my self-given sabbatical year.   I had everything: love, health, income, friends and a new professional path.  Yet, I was sad, down, full of melancholy, and a bit lost, as if something was missing.  “I shouldn’t be feeling this way…” I shared with a dear friend.  “I should be happy”, I added.  My friend explained to me the challenge with the statements I had just made.  At the moment I make the statement, “I should” or “I shouldn’t”, I create a wall which stops the feeling abruptly, and buries it.  There it sits, waits, and collects dust, hibernating in my heart.

My friend said, “If the feeling comes up, notice it, feel it and let it move through you, follow its course, and let it pass through you.  Feel the sadness, the melancholy, the loss, the confusion.  Feel it, and love it and let it move through you.  Don’t “should” or “shouldn’t” yourself.  That is your inner critic controlling you.”

I took my friend’s advice and let it pass through, and I have done that time and time again. Every time, everything has turned out fine and as it is destined to be.  The sadness and melancholy are normal feelings which, when blocked, can make one feel sick, depressed and hopeless.

My aunt needed brain surgery recently, and it did not go well.  She is in and out of a coma, and I think, deciding whether to live or pass.  My aunt gave me my first violin, my understanding of politics and my love of “serious” music.  She played a clown at my birthday, and I spent many, many joyful nights at her house, which was a bit hectic and disorganized in many ways, yet full of love.

I am going down to be with her later this week and offer what comfort I can to her daughters, her sisters, and to her.  I am not going because I “should”.  I am going because I want to.  I want to help my loved ones and I want to feel my feelings, which are genuinely sad.  I love feeling my feelings, and “sadness” is okay.  It passes through me and on the way meets happiness, and doubt, and mortality, and anger, and compassion, and love and fear and grief as well as comfort and care.

Feel your feelings, they are indeed yours and are a sign of inner-peace and health.