Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 2

Now that you have taken the first step toward effective parenting and you have someone you can talk to, take the second step towards effective parenting.

Decide what is working and what isn’t.  Then choose one thing that isn’t working.  Let’s say it is the morning that is the biggest problem. Bring your family together (make sure your partner is on board).  Do this after dinner the night before.  Let them know what the drill will be in the morning, what the tasks will be and when the “bus leaves”.

Make sure each child knows his/her tasks and has them in writing.  Give the kids one wakeup call at the time you think is appropriate, and let them know they will get only one wakeup call.  Do not micromanage them, although you may be of assistance upon reasonable and polite request.  Five minutes before it is time to leave, walk out to the car, start it up, put on your favorite CD or radio station and wait patiently.  Give, at most, one honk, and leave at the designated time, with or without kids, with or without their belongings, lunches, gym clothes etc.

It is likely they will come running out when they see you leaving.  In the case that they do not, have a helpful neighbor, or assigned local family member ready to drive up shortly after you leave and offer to take the kids to school, for a fee!  Do not bring them things they have forgotten, even if they have no lunch.  No one ever died of missing lunch.  The secret of this success, never go back to the old way.

Finally it is essential to sustain, nurture and rebuild healthy attachment of your child to you, and healthy boundaries.  Don’t try to do it alone.  Get the help of friends, neighbors, grandparents, therapists and behaviorists.  You cannot change your children ……BUT….you can make them uncomfortable with healthy boundaries in which you treat yourself as well as you have been treating them.  And don’t forget about “Currency, Collateral, and Clout”.  As my very wise sister, bless her assertive soul says, “A parent is responsible to feed, clothe, shelter and take care of the medical needs of children.  Everything else is conditional, including treats, extra money, ice cream, driving, cell phones and computer time.

You are the parent and the child is the child.  Always remember that.

Rick Concoff c2012