What if your adorable 10 year old wrote you this letter on his/her 11th birthday?

Dear Mom and Dad or Dad and Dad or Mom and Mom Dad or Mom, (choose 1 or more)

I am 11 today, and still rather innocent.  I know all of the words to the edgiest songs and I sing along, but I don’t know yet what they mean.  I dance with sexy moves and know the latest slang, and lots of people think it is cute.

I am just noticing my “pre-teen” body and suddenly care what I look like, a lot!  I am noticing that you are not as perfect as I thought you were when I was younger, and you are noticing that I am not as willing to please you.

Suddenly, I would rather be with my friends than you, be texting rather than socializing at a family event and would rather eat my dinner in my room.  I get moody and fussy and sassy, and have lost some of my child-like charm.

I am harder to wake up in the morning, I am often snarky and rude when you pick me up from school and I refuse to “talk about my day.”

I can’t wait until I am 12,  and 13 will be even better.  I will try new things, do things I am not supposed to, be influenced by my peers and of course, will refuse to accept your hugs and kisses in public. I will complain about my teachers and how unfair and even sometimes stupid they are, but forbid you to call them and tell them or set a meeting.  I will make little mistakes and big mistakes.

I will begin to notice that you are “old”, “weird”, not funny, annoying, embarrassing and always telling me what to do.  You will have an opinion about everything I want to do or do, and you will not always trust me.

Here is what I want for my birthday:

I want you to say “no” when you mean “no”, no matter how hard I plead.

I want you to not cave in or give up when I push hard.

I want you to encourage me to do things I need to do but am afraid of.

I want you to make me shut down the computer and go outside and play.

I want you to care where I am every minute of the day.

I don’t want you to be my friend or dress like me or talk like me or try to be cool.

I want you to shut off the internet and play monopoly with me.

I want you to be home when I have friends over, and make sure my friend’s parents are home when I go over there.

I want you to not to smoke or drink alcohol or use drugs, (at least in front of me).

I want you to tell me it’s time to go to bed when it is.

I want you to shut down my cell phone if I abuse it.

I want you to tell me not to drink or use drugs, and give me a good reason.

I want you to take me for counseling even when I refuse.

I want you to not tell me to “stop over-reacting”.

I want you to care about my grades and my assignments.

I want you to insist that I pay for at least part of my car and insurance when get my license.

I want you to encourage me not to have sex when I am young, and how to stay safe.

I want you to let dye my hair, but not have multiple piercings and any tattoos.

I want you to teach me the value of money.

I want you to call me on it when I am acting entitled and spoiled and ungrateful..

I want you insist on boundaries for you and for me.

I want you to call me on it when I swear.

I want you to not trust me leave me at home to have parties.

I want you not to not “look the other way” when I want to try alcohol or pot or other drugs.

I want you to care about who my friends are.

I don’t want you to drop me off at the movies and pick me up “at the mall” hours later.

I want you to make me eat breakfast in the morning, and take a sack lunch.

I want you to make me work in the summer.

I want you to send me to my room when I am abusive.

If I am out of control, I want you to get me help.

If I become assaultive or violent I want you to call 911.

I want you to say yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no, and want you to not say “maybe” or “oh…. alright you often.

If you cannot manage me, I want you to get help for both of us.

I want you to love me and listen to me and raise me and be my parent, be an adult, not a big “kid” and when I am all grown up, if you still want to, we can be friends.

This is what they would write if they could!  Parenting a teen starts long before they become a teen.