As my kids grew up, I remember lamenting the passage of each age, and the loss of the trappings that grace each phase; baby powder, car seats, booster seats, toys everywhere… then school winter concerts, fanciful birthday parties, school dances, the angst of adolescence and of course, my children’s perception that I was all powerful and all knowing. I said a wistful goodbye at each juncture… Well here I am…..again… toy box in living room, booster seat in car… telling goodnight stories to my granddaughter, her head on my shoulder… and moving again through the amazing, dramatic and unfolding lives of my dear teen-age stepchildren. My life with children is like the movie “Groundhog Day”. I cherish all these moments I thought I would never experience again, side by side with my lovely Heather, love of my … Read entire article »

What the heck is that?  Parenting is an art to practice, refine and reinvent when not working. Martial arts is a perfect container for parenting skills, techniques and strategies. When we study or practice martial arts, most people are not learning it to harm or hurt others.  We are learning the particular discipline for the following reasons: 1-To improve our focus, to center ourselves and be in control of our actions 2-To become more effective in meeting all challenges, obstacles, threats and emergencies 3-To help us feel comfortable, protected and safe in the world as well as in our homes 4-To disarm adversaries, ideally without harming them or being harmed our selves 5-To avoid unpleasant encounters and to moderate our reactions by not acting out of impulse, anger, vindictiveness, vengeance, antipathy, jealousy and on and on 6-To prepare … Read entire article »

Share this with your kids if they have had a bad day, or even a good day! You are among friends.  No problem is insurmountable, or permanent. Wisdom and growth come from hardship, from what is experienced as pain.  Pain and strong emotions are pointers for focusing our attention on those areas that we need to pay attention to, to see a new way, guide us to making an uncomfortable change or be vulnerable in a way that feels scary. Here is a message for you at this moment.  This helps to ground me so I can find the way through this complicated life: That you have a life is a gift, a blessing, a miracle. You are meant to be.    Your life is a gift.  You are here for a reason. The moment you were conceived … Read entire article »

While so many of our young adults are coming back home from college, jobless, penniless and in debt (”. http://www.rickconcoff.com/2013/02/30-is-the-new-10-or-at-best-20-raising-an-adult-child/) and totally dependent on us, many of us continue to treat our children like “little adults”.  Thus  “30 is the New 10” and “10 is the New 30. What does this all mean? Back in “the day “(40’s- 60’s) “authoritarian parenting” was common.  This essentially featured such strategies and admonitions as “you will do what I say when I say it”,  “In my house we you will do it our way.”, “Do as I say, not as I do” and “Children should be seen and not heard.”  Violations often were met with strict punishments, ridicule, humiliation, verbal and physical abuse.  Thank goodness we are not “back in that day” anymore! That approach and … Read entire article »

Dear Mom and Dad or Dad and Dad or Mom and Mom Dad or Mom, (choose 1 or more) I am 11 today, and still rather innocent.  I know all of the words to the edgiest songs and I sing along, but I don’t know yet what they mean.  I dance with sexy moves and know the latest slang, and lots of people think it is cute. I am just noticing my “pre-teen” body and suddenly care what I look like, a lot!  I am noticing that you are not as perfect as I thought you were when I was younger, and you are noticing that I am not as willing to please you. Suddenly, I would rather be with my friends than you, be texting rather than socializing at a family event … Read entire article »

Me and and many of my colleagues carry a deep concern and are asking tough questions about why self harm and eating disorders are on the increase for our teens and young adults.   Are we falling short as parents, teachers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, sports coaches and role models in encouraging living values and virtues in our children of compassion, empathy, self-reliance, honesty, perseverance, gratitude, and appreciation? Are our children and teens so saturated with acquired things and constant entertainment, that they have no time to relax?  Are we teaching stress and achievement neurosis and ego driven competition as a life curriculum?  Are we ourselves modeling materialism, multitasking, and technological idolatry?  Are we using the current “economic hard times” as an excuse for pushing our kids harder and harder?  Are we teaching them what to … Read entire article »