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Parenting Teens at 17
Being a teen is a complicated place to be right now. Being a parent of a teen is a delicate place to be. It often seems that the world is getting harder and more complex for each generation. As a parent of teens, I often wonder how I would feel about the world at this moment. If I Were 17 Sure…. I’d be angry too, if I were 17. I’d be angry about the world I am being given. I’d be frustrated with the stubbornness of change. I’d be disappointed that it has gotten to his point. I’d be let down that my college loans will haunt me for years. I’d be disenchanted about the dreams I had as a young child. I’d be discouraged about my future and my dreams. I’d be apathetic about changing the world. I’d be … Read entire article »
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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 3
Marshall Mckluen, the ‘60s visionary who wrote and lectured on the assets and liabilities of media and particularly television, pointed out that every new invention creates the possibility of making what preceded it obsolete. It depends on the conscious and unconscious intention. Power screwdrivers have been a great time and effort saver, yet we still find uses for a conventional screwdriver. Cars are a daily necessity, and yet we still ride bikes and walk. E-books and audio books offer incredible choices in keeping well-read, and we still buy books. We can hear and see any kind of music in the world with audio devices, and yet we still pay high prices for live concerts. In Mcluen’s illustration of the invention and subsequent societal saturation with the car, he suggests that we must … Read entire article »
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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 2
Parenting of teens and children has been here since the beginning of time. Before adolescence came to be, we simply had childhood and then adulthood. However, there has always been a transitional period from childhood to adulthood. There has been some kind of quintessential struggle, in that to rear a child is a juxtiposition of directing a child towards independence, and holding them back when they are about to jump too far, or miss a step. Raising children brings the challenge of choosing our battles, staying uncharged, calm, and rational. Media, in all of its different forms has been here since the beginning of the written word. It’s been here in its most primitive form on cave walls, and its most current form in various virtual medians. There have always been people … Read entire article »
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Parenting Your Teens and Media-Part 1
Children and teens will always be attracted to the latest version of media, chomping at the bit to own the newest version of the newest gadget. The striving for connection in a busy high-speed society births a strong urge for mediums to do so. To resist and try to block it is an ultimately futile endeavor. To give children and teens license and unrestricted access, and ignore the pitfalls is neglectful. The question is not whether we will “allow” a child exposure to a given stimulus, but when. That however becomes more and more difficult with the media saturation of our lives. It is easy to blame media for the ills of our society and the habits of our children. We have villanized entities which have no inherent moral ills for … Read entire article »
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Russian Roulette and Risky Activity Part 1
There is no better analogy for risky activity, such as drugs, alcohol, unsafe driving, raging, sexual promiscuity, than that of Russian Roulette. Russian Roulette is a self-destructive game originating in Russia, in which a group of people gather with a pistol with one random round in it, spinning the barrel. Each takes a turn pointing the pistol at their head and shooting, hoping and betting that they will not get the single round. Five out of six people end up surviving, and one dies. According to drugrehab.org, approximately 15 million Americans are “dependent” on alcohol. A reported 500,000 of them are children between the ages of 9 and 12. In 2009, according to the Center for Disease Control and Prevention, 6.7 percent of the American population used “illicit drugs”. How is drinking and … Read entire article »
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Effective Parenting and Exhaustion–Part 1
“Why can’t I get any respect? I am way too nice and I just give everyone too many chances and everything they want…I try to be balanced in life. I struggle; so does everyone. I want to make everyone happy but what about myself? I feel more confused about life than ever. I am sad, I love people so much and I try to always have the right intentions, I want to give people the benefit of the doubt, I hate crying at 7:30 am getting the double flip off fingers………………. I am not very good at curbing my personality to such strong personalities. I wish I knew the answer…. I just need to sit by the river and relax or something…………” These are the words of a mom who just got … Read entire article »
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Feel Powerless in Parenting Your Teens?
What do I do if I have given up all of my parental authority to my kids and feel powerless? Your kids have you programmed. They know exactly how many times to ignore you before you get upset and lose it. You are constantly spending time trying to figure out how to say things to your kids without upsetting them. You are intimidated by the fear that your child will “melt down” and throw a fit. You find yourself apologizing for parenting your own teen. You are worried that your child will stop loving you. You’re arguing with your parenting partner about how to parent teens. You are stepping down to their level, yelling, crying and even swearing at them. They do what they want when they want, and you are … Read entire article »
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Karma Savings Account…It Pays to be Nice!
In parenting teens and children, we often ask why they cannot be nice, or ask nicely. Teens are often told they have a “bad attitude” and parents of teens are known for being annoyed by such behavior. There are many reasons to be nice, kind, cooperative and healthfully compliant The fruits and rewards of “good behavior” are endless. There are often no immediate rewards for being nice, and many of us default to being “snarky”, nasty, contentious, contrary and difficult. Many folks have this negative, aggressive approach confused with “assertiveness”. “If I am difficult, I will get my way. People will strive to please me and give in more easily.” “If I am too nice, people will walk all over me”, “No good deed goes unpunished!” We often even congratulate each other … Read entire article »
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Instructive Criticism in Parenting Teens
There are times when you have to give feedback, corrections or criticism. What if you are a boss , or a parent, or a husband or a wife, or a colleague, or a coach or a great friend? You love the person too much to not reflect your reactions? And yet criticism spoken to unwilling ears is useless, regardless of authority or consequences. And if it is spoken as a threat or a punishment, it ceases to be instructive all together. Well, there is a way to do this inside the parameters of being kind, nice and compassionate. It is called “instructive criticism”. What is “instructive criticism” and why is it better than other forms of criticism? “Destructive” or uncompassionate criticism sounds like; “You failed! You suck. You did that badly. You … Read entire article »
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New School Year, New Story–How to change your story–Help in Parenting Teens-Part 2
At every new juncture and transition, we can change our story and improve our lives. Here is a way parents of teens can help their children of all ages, as well as themselves to have a better, more successful and happier life. 1-Share the story you carry right now with someone who will listen to you. Include the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly. 2-Hold on to the good stuff and pat yourself on the back for it. 3-Select a few elements of your story that you would like to change, and write them down on a card. Make a few copies, one for your room, one for your refrigerator, and one to carry with you. Email or text them to yourself daily. 4-Find out who to ask for help if you … Read entire article »
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