ParentingPanicButton » Entries tagged with "parenting advice"
Parenting Advice on discussing fun and happiness with your teens
The difference between fun and happiness: Fun is temporal feelings, and happiness is a state of being. All feelings are temporary, but a state of being isn’t temporary. God is a state of being, not a being. I asked some teenage students to address these issues and words and here is what they shared with me: Harmless Fun Usually harmless fun is ride on a roller coaster, an ice cream sundae, a balloon ride, hang gliding, cotton candy, miniature golf, bowling, skiing, snow boarding, chocolate, a movie matinee, go-carting, sky-diving, video games, and a new cell phone, anything new. When it is over, the fun is over. We laugh and smile and go on. Once in a rare while, things don’t go right, and someone dies from fun. Risky Fun Risky fun is a jump off … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Cell Phones and Your Teens…Did you know?
You can have your cell phone carrier allow only certain phone numbers to be called and received on your teen’s phone? These can be limited to your number, and other emergency numbers until they earn back the trust you expect. You can reward them with one added, trusted friend at a time, with your permission. And, by the way, you can let them know that the privilege of having a phone includes their agreement to answer or call you right back when you call or text 80% of the time. Remember who is paying for the phone, the bill, the texting, data plan, etc. Parents have successfully raised and protected kids without the help of cell-phones for millenniums! Also, be a good model. Use only hands free cell phones when in the car, and only when absolutely … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Who is the Problem?
People cannot be problems; problems are problems. If, in our dealings with our children, we slip into a place where, whether or not we intend it, our child feels like we think they “are the problem”, defenses will go up, and willingness to deal with the issues will go down. We behave similarly when our children treat us as if “we are the problem”. So how can we identify the real problem, and move it towards the middle? Here are some examples: Danny is inattentive and sometimes disruptive in class. The teacher thinks the student is the “problem”. Danny thinks the teacher is the “problem”. The parents think the teacher and the student are the “problem”. The teacher suspects that the parents are the “problem”. Sarah is generally negative and unresponsive and unusually contrary. You’ve … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Collateral, Currency and Consequences Part 2
Definitions and Solutions Collateral Something that is in place that can be withheld or taken away if agreements are not kept. (Have relatives give you the money to be trustee of when they give money to your child, you can give it out as deserved or use it to fix broken windows, negligently or maliciously damaged property, late fines at libraries and video stores, etc.…) Collateral accounts can be in the bank collecting interest for college or put aside for that special camp or trip your child wants to go to. Currency That material or non-material thing that motivates your child towards good citizenship and behavior. These can be money, treats, trips, excursions and material rewards. For others it can be praise, redemption, forgiveness, playing table games, outings, “parent-child” days, time on computer, cell … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Collateral, Currency and Clout Part 1
Child- Healthy Substitutes for Punishment, Shame, Blame, Arguing, Yelling, or Hurting We love our children, and always will, no matter how much they frustrate, upset, disappoint or anger us. From the day they are born, it is their job to push away from us on a journey to become independent, “big” and in love with freedom. The deep love we have for our children is our joy and our nemesis. So often, people can see from the outside that our kids are “working us” and clearly in the drivers seat. We may see it but fall prey to its power, or the desire for avoidance of conflict. And, so often we see it clearly in the dynamic between other children and their parents. Why is it so hard for us to … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting tips
An Open Letter to Fathers and Men about Daughters and Emerging Young Women
Dear Dads (and other Male Role Models), Our impact on our daughters, nieces, stepdaughters, and granddaughters is immense. They love us, look up to us, and even revere us. Sometimes they dislike us, resent us, are disappointed in us and wish we didn’t care so much. When we listen to them, understand them, advise them, and forgive them they appreciate and feel it deeply. When we manifest our “papa bear” desire to protect them from all mistakes and perils with anger, manipulation, and fear we alienate them and even sometimes push them to risky activity. When we manifest it in a loving, compassionate and mindful way, they will hear us. They need to make mistakes to grow, and their mistakes touch our heart in the deepest way. We work to separate sensible … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Your Child’s Music Life
How can music live in a child’s life? How do children develop their musical taste? How do you choose the right instrument is for your child? What is an appropriate time to start lessons and how do we ensure it is a positive experience? These are all common questions we as parents have about how best to support and include music in our children’s lives. Music is a universal language, and it is rare to find anyone who just plain does not like music. Musical taste is subjective, and can vary with temperament, personality, mood and many other mysterious factors. Music has played an essential part in the developmental life of human beings since Primal times. As a violinist, music teacher, parenting educator, parent and grandparent, much of my … Read entire article »
Filed under: children's music studies, parenting advice, parenting tips
Pay now or pay later; Parenting Advice that Works!
There are a large number of lessons we have to learn from infancy to adulthood in order to make us functional, happy, well-adjusted, self-supporting adults. As a matter of fact, there are hundreds and hundreds, if not thousands. We learn most of these lessons from observation, being taught, or common sense realization. Others, we learn through experiencing consequences to our actions. As children we may be taught the importance of sharing, why we should not hit others, and why we use the toilet and not our pants. As we get older we generally learn things that are reflective of our age and maturity. If the sign says, “walk” but a car is speeding through, don’t walk. Don’t eat random wild mushrooms if you are not a mushroom expert. Don’t take a … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Clear Way to Make a Good, Right Decision–Sentiment or Heart; Flip a Coin
Imagine you have a decision to make. It is a difficult decision and one that necessitates mindful attention. The decision is a huge one, one that will take you on a very different path than any other decision. Or, it is a small, but essential, pivotal decision of the moment. Try the following practice. Notice your sentiment. Sentiment is feeling based on emotion, opinion, self-concern, fear, sadness, nostalgia. It has the Latin root word for “feel” in its very fiber. It often starts with “I should…”, “I am afraid…”, “What if…”, “I will miss…”, “I fear..”, “I can’t…”, “I shouldn’t,,” It has lots of “buts” and “ifs”. After you immerse yourself in your sentiment, know that it is not a great basis for a decision. It could cause you to miss a great opportunity. … Read entire article »
Filed under: Featured, parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips, Relationships