ParentingPanicButton » Entries tagged with "parenting tips"
Instructive Criticism in Parenting Teens
There are times when you have to give feedback, corrections or criticism. What if you are a boss , or a parent, or a husband or a wife, or a colleague, or a coach or a great friend? You love the person too much to not reflect your reactions? And yet criticism spoken to unwilling ears is useless, regardless of authority or consequences. And if it is spoken as a threat or a punishment, it ceases to be instructive all together. Well, there is a way to do this inside the parameters of being kind, nice and compassionate. It is called “instructive criticism”. What is “instructive criticism” and why is it better than other forms of criticism? “Destructive” or uncompassionate criticism sounds like; “You failed! You suck. You did that badly. You … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
New School Year, New Story–How to change your story–Help in Parenting Teens-Part 2
At every new juncture and transition, we can change our story and improve our lives. Here is a way parents of teens can help their children of all ages, as well as themselves to have a better, more successful and happier life. 1-Share the story you carry right now with someone who will listen to you. Include the good, the bad, the pretty and the ugly. 2-Hold on to the good stuff and pat yourself on the back for it. 3-Select a few elements of your story that you would like to change, and write them down on a card. Make a few copies, one for your room, one for your refrigerator, and one to carry with you. Email or text them to yourself daily. 4-Find out who to ask for help if you … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting help, parenting teens, parenting tips
W.I.M.P? or, What is my part?
Here is some great advice for parenting teens. You just had an argument with your son or daughter, or even your father, mother, boss, colleague, teacher, friend, somebody-in-law. In your mind, it is obvious that you are right, and they are wrong! There is no question about it. It is all their fault. If it wasn’t for them there would not be a problem. Ask anyone, it will be obvious that I am right. I am waiting for an apology, this time it is clear, and I am not backing down. Do you recognize this internal conversation? When parenting teens, it is almost never the total fault of one side. Occasionally, you are 99.99% right and .01% wrong, but rarely 100%. If you believe the magical thinking that you can be … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips, Relationships, Uncategorized
Make the Feeling of Summer Vacation Last all Year
Every season has a different character, feeling, touch, smell, vista and flavor. In summer, sweet fresh fruits and veggies, barbequed delicacies, cold lemonade, iced teas, plentiful sorbets and frozen yogurts seduce our pallet. The long days, elegant sunsets, sandy beaches and warm evening breezes seem to last forever, punctuated with the zenith of summer, the Solstice. We have longed for summer during the cold wet winter months, and now, we are finally here. Depending on what stage of life you are in, summer vacation takes on its own story. Children are enjoying a reprieve from school and early rising, as well as heading for camps of all kinds. Teens are on journies that take them all over the world. Young adults are graduating from high school, college, and celebrating summer weddings. … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting teens, parenting tips
What is Life Coaching about?
A Life Coach is a fairly new profession which includes individuals who have an expertise in various pursuits, choices, and life-choice directions. A life coach is often an elder with similar traits to a wise aunt or grandmother, an insightful uncle or grandfather, an esteemed teacher or career mentor. A life coach can help you identify and recognize challenges and problems, and explore solutions. Coaching features guided conversations in which the client finds inspiration to move forward in pursuits, dreams and goals. It can be great for children and adults of all ages. A life coach can often be a great starting point for people to get help on their life path, and can play a strategic role in making directed and appropriate referrals for people who seem to have problems … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting teens, parenting tips
To Parents–About Drinking and your Teens…
I was saddened by the tragedy of the alcohol related death of a 14 year-old Middle Rincon student. My heart goes out to her family and friends. In addition to grieving, we must honor it as a lesson learned. Most young people, who die accidently, die from one bad decision. Parents and Adults – –Lock up or do not have liquor accessible to children. –Never buy or supply alcohol to underage people. –There is no such thing as a “safe drinking” party. –Take a heartfelt look at how your use of any substances impacts your children. You are their role model! –Educate your children authoritatively about the risks of substance use. –Help your children find safe, edgy experiences. –Supervision is paramount. Media and technological devices do not supervise children. Sleepovers especially require vigilant supervision. –Make agreements and emergency plans … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Parenting Advice on discussing fun and happiness with your teens
The difference between fun and happiness: Fun is temporal feelings, and happiness is a state of being. All feelings are temporary, but a state of being isn’t temporary. God is a state of being, not a being. I asked some teenage students to address these issues and words and here is what they shared with me: Harmless Fun Usually harmless fun is ride on a roller coaster, an ice cream sundae, a balloon ride, hang gliding, cotton candy, miniature golf, bowling, skiing, snow boarding, chocolate, a movie matinee, go-carting, sky-diving, video games, and a new cell phone, anything new. When it is over, the fun is over. We laugh and smile and go on. Once in a rare while, things don’t go right, and someone dies from fun. Risky Fun Risky fun is a jump off … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Who is the Problem?
People cannot be problems; problems are problems. If, in our dealings with our children, we slip into a place where, whether or not we intend it, our child feels like we think they “are the problem”, defenses will go up, and willingness to deal with the issues will go down. We behave similarly when our children treat us as if “we are the problem”. So how can we identify the real problem, and move it towards the middle? Here are some examples: Danny is inattentive and sometimes disruptive in class. The teacher thinks the student is the “problem”. Danny thinks the teacher is the “problem”. The parents think the teacher and the student are the “problem”. The teacher suspects that the parents are the “problem”. Sarah is generally negative and unresponsive and unusually contrary. You’ve … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Collateral, Currency and Consequences Part 2
Definitions and Solutions Collateral Something that is in place that can be withheld or taken away if agreements are not kept. (Have relatives give you the money to be trustee of when they give money to your child, you can give it out as deserved or use it to fix broken windows, negligently or maliciously damaged property, late fines at libraries and video stores, etc.…) Collateral accounts can be in the bank collecting interest for college or put aside for that special camp or trip your child wants to go to. Currency That material or non-material thing that motivates your child towards good citizenship and behavior. These can be money, treats, trips, excursions and material rewards. For others it can be praise, redemption, forgiveness, playing table games, outings, “parent-child” days, time on computer, cell … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting teens, parenting tips
Collateral, Currency and Clout Part 1
Child- Healthy Substitutes for Punishment, Shame, Blame, Arguing, Yelling, or Hurting We love our children, and always will, no matter how much they frustrate, upset, disappoint or anger us. From the day they are born, it is their job to push away from us on a journey to become independent, “big” and in love with freedom. The deep love we have for our children is our joy and our nemesis. So often, people can see from the outside that our kids are “working us” and clearly in the drivers seat. We may see it but fall prey to its power, or the desire for avoidance of conflict. And, so often we see it clearly in the dynamic between other children and their parents. Why is it so hard for us to … Read entire article »
Filed under: parenting advice, parenting tips